Tag Archives: redefining

1/2 Marathon Therapy

Who would have thought that agreeing to run a 1/2 Marathon would bring up so much inside of me. It’s almost been like therapy, in that I’ve really looked at some issues and self doubt and junk like that. This blog will probably not make much sense to anyone but myself, because so much of what is going on in my head is really hard to put into words.

It ‘s this whole “who am I” question and this is kinda working to redefine me. I worry that I won’t make this a permanent change, and I really want it to be. AFTER I have run the 1/2 will I continue to run, and do the things I’m doing now. I want the answer to be yes, but I’m afraid it will be a transient change…. like when it’s over going back to the “old me”. Does that make sense? I’m worried to say things about being something (like a runner) because I’m worried I won’t stay that way. I think that is the best way to describe it.

Sometimes I think that I think too much.

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Runner

I don’t know what my hang up is. I have a very hard time calling myself a “runner”. I think I feel that I’m conveying something that I’m not. In my eyes, running is sprinting down the track going much faster than I will ever go. I feel that if I call myself a runner, I’m doing a disservice to the word. I asked Phil what he thought of when I said someone was a runner. His answer was “95% of the time I think of someone jogging, like what you do”. That funny, because 95% of the time I think of someone sprinting. I guess I need to reset my mind to take in a new definition of “running” and what a “runner” is. It’s a silly thing, but I think it just might helpĀ  me on this journey. Not to be afraid to redefine myself. Not to worry about saying “I’m a runner”.